Topic 77: On Giving Advice

Carol:

How to Enjoy the Holidays

       

This morning I am bleary-eyed and fuzzy-brained from four days of Christmas celebrations, of having both my adult children home together, of being “early to rise” without “early to bed,” of taking a delightful but intense break from the daily routine—and the daily theme.  I did think about today’s topic from time to time, especially when I was tempted to dispense some unrequested “wisdom” to my husband or kids.

 I have spent the last few years trying hard NOT to give advice, at least not unsolicited advice.  My father used to admonish my mother “Mind Your Own Business,” which at the time I appreciated—except for the tone—because the business he was trying to keep her out of was often mine. I guess whether or not I have succeeded you would have to ask my friends and family.

I first decided to write about my favorite advice-givers, Ben Franklin and William Shakespeare, especially Polonius’ speech to Laertes. However, as I struggled my way through several  false starts,  I realized that what I wanted to write about was just a few feet from my head, the only framed piece of writing in a room filled with art and mementos of my world travels.

The hanging was originally typed up with fancy computer fonts and colors as a retirement gift for a friend who wanted suggestions on places to travel. The words are actually a set of Practices taken from Phil Cousineau’s book The Art of Pilgrimage—The Seeker’s Guide to Making Travel Sacred: 
•    Practice the art of attention and listening
•    Practice renewing yourself every day
•    Practice meandering toward the center of every place
•    Practice the ritual of reading sacred texts
•    Practice gratitude and praise-singing

Cousineau’s book is a thoughtful guide to making travel more meaningful than a sightseeing opportunity.  Adapted from a 5th century writing from Confucius, these 5 practices can become a guide for traveling through life with fresh eyes and renewed intention. That includes retirement. And it even includes holidays with a houseful of family and friends, lots of cooking and cleaning, and the intensity of excitement and emotion that can tip into chaos and stress.

Most of what made this week special for me was the opportunity to practice The Art of Pilgrimage. I got to listen to a 5-year old explain the intricacies of his brand new spy watch that blinks and pings. I was able to slip away a little each day to work on a project or read a book. Each evening, I meandered upstairs to the loft to hang out with my children around the TV, and this afternoon I’m looking forward to meandering into the loft to work on the jigsaw puzzle Megan gave me for Christmas.  I watched and heard the ritual re-enactment of sacred texts at a church service full of excited children and  proud parents. Christmas morning, I sang alto on “Joy to the World” over the telephone with dear friends and Christmas evening I listened to my niece sing "Silent Night" in German with her son, the spy master.

How to enjoy the holidays? Listen, rest, focus, ritualize, but most of all sing praises and show gratitude.

Sources:

Cousineau, Phil. The Art of Pilgrimage—The Seeker’s Guide to Making Travel Sacred. 

Megan:

On Getting Advice

I don’t give a lot of advice (not serious advice),  but I get a lot of it. Sometimes my first instinct is defensiveness (with anger being my default defensive reaction). Sometimes I react this way to stupid advice, but more often if the advice is warranted. Still, most advice is unwelcome. Example: the other day my father suggested that I NOT tell potential employers about this website because if they read I was lazy in college they won’t want to give me a job.

To which I responded: Mind your own damn business I don’t want to talk about it leave me alone.

I have since worked out a more reasonable response about how I approach my part of this project from a humorous angle, and some of what is written here should be taken ironically. Also, college was 10 years ago (or 5 years ago depending if you start counting at the beginning or the end).  Something like that.

The other person I regularly get advice from is my grandmother. Some of her comments are so far beyond the mark of what is appropriate or what I believe in that it’s best just to nod and smile. For example, this weekend she suggested I move to Washington D.C. because that is where all the rich men in their 30’s are living, and then I could hook up with someone in the Obama administration. Strangely, she is not the first person to make that exact suggestion. But I would rather work for the President, than date someone who works for him. Have you seen The West Wing? Those people are super busy and have no time for their families. So, thanks but no thanks, grandma.

Here’s some advice from people who want to give me advice:

Don’t mention the job search. If you’re not a librarian, don’t tell me what qualities you would be looking for in a librarian. Just because you don’t want your employees to be “lazy” or “drunk” doesn’t mean everyone uses the same hiring criteria. Some people like their employees to be “efficient” and “ironic.”

Don’t encourage me to attend single’s clubs to find rich, older men. The average age of attendance to one of these clubs is at least mid-70’s. He may die soon, but first he’s just gonna blow all the money on pills and experimental treatments trying to hang on and spend time with his young wife, and then where will I be?

Don’t encourage me to move 3000 miles on a hunch that I might meet someone in politics.  

I already tried moving 6000 miles to try to meet someone Royal and look how that turned out.

Don’t get mad if I ignore your advice and make fun of it on the Internet.