Topic 73: On Card-Indexing One's Friends

Carol:

You Can Call On Me

When I got my first teaching job in 1974, the school librarian was working on a book,  a bibliography of books of fantasy and science fiction. She had her own indexing method, shoeboxes full of note cards, one for each book that included annotations. She could  add or subtract cards as she expanded her research. I don’t remember her name although I know the book was published. I could look her up if I had kept track of her  on an index card in a shoebox.
 

My own  method for keeping track of names and contact information hasn’t changed all that much since 1974. I have address books that are a messy record of people  who moved, married, and/or died.  Most of the time, when I meet people that I want to contact later, I end up scribbling their phone number (or e-mail address these days) on the back of a grocery receipt or used envelope, only to lose it before I can transfer it to something more permanent.

Vintage Calling Card Case

The wording of daily theme #73 is rather unusual, however, hinting at a different era where social protocol required people to  use calling cards.  As I recollect from reading period romance novels, people paid visits to each other, announcing their arrival with a calling card laid in a silver tray in the foyer: “The stack of cards in the card tray in the hall was a handy catalog of exactly who had called and whose calls might need to be returned* (source: Center for History.org). Apparently, there was an etiquette not only in the use of calling cards, but  between men and women. For example, men were supposed to carry their calling cards loose in a pocket but women were to use card cases. The Bedford Museum in England has a number of such cases of varying quality on display. Business cards were more widely used than calling cards, which were generally reserved for the middle class, but it was never acceptable to leave a business card when making a social call.

  

So, if I were a 19th century lady of distinction who received callers on a regular basis, I might need to keep and organize those calling cards so as to make sure I met my social obligations for returning visits or reciprocating with teas or evening soirees.  If I had to actually “card index” the cards from that silver tray, that might indicate social prestige or popularity. High and mighty, hoity-toity woman of means, I might even need a social secretary to keep track of my calling cards and social engagements.

The closest thing to calling cards I have ever seen have been those joke business cards that retired business people (mostly men) make up to hand out to people. They say things like “ Fred Smith, fisherman” or “Retired and Ready to Roll.” I guess that such people were used to handing out business cards when they weren’t retired. I had business cards, too. The College provided them to encourage professional networking at conferences, I assume. When I got tenure, I ordered a box of them with the college logo, my title and department, etc. I think 500 come in a box. I forgot to carry them with me, so I ended up writing my phone number or e-mail address on the back of someone else’s grocery receipt or used envelope. I think when I retired, the box still had about 485 cards in it.  If I were going to print a calling card, it would say:

                  






Source:
Center for History.org

Megan:

In the olden days in Europe and also in America,  a person of a certain class had a calling cards, which he would deliver to another person’s house as a way of introducing himself. Then, if that second person found the first person to be agreeable and wished to pursue an acquaintanceship, he would send a servant over to the first person’s house with his own card. I’m not sure how it was decided whether a person was agreeable or not based on just a name on a card. Maybe discreet enquiries were made. Upon receipt of the other person’s card, the first person may now visit the second person in their home during certain hours. The cards were kept in a fancy case, called the card case. 

After a brief visit and conversation, then each person added notes on the back of the other's card -- some personal attributes and information which would aid them in planning the seating chart in the event of a dinner party. If a person was tipsy at 2:00 in the afternoon, then that person would not be seated next to the tee-totalling wife of the Member of Parliament. It was very important, at dinner parties, that people were seated in such a way to aid conversation and to avoid boredom and offense. That is why married couples were not seated together.

                  
Now in these modern times, we do not have calling cards. Some (employed) people have business cards and those are handed out at parties or accident scenes;  perhaps one might get a card in return but there is not the expectation there once was attached to the exchange. One is not expected to visit the address on the business card unless one has business to do. They are not designed to facilitate a social network, is what I’m trying to say.

Speaking of social networks, when I was complaining to my mother about not knowing what to write about this topic, she suggested I write about Facebook. She was sort of snooty about it, “I would expect you of all people to have something to say about your experience with Facebook.” So fine, I’ll say something about Facebook.

 Yes, it is a social network, but it is artificial. A person sends a friend request (not unlike a calling card) and if the other person finds it acceptable (after a discreet glance at their public profile), they accept the request. Then they are “friends.” One can “visit” the other’s space, leave messages and invitations to play games, but maintaining this friendship requires isolation rather than integration. A person does not need to leave the house, instead one pushes a few buttons and stares at a screen.
 

The more time a person spends interacting with virtual friends, the less time one has for real dinner parties and actual conversation with interesting people who are not your spouse (if you even have one).

The only other similarity is that some people collect friends as people collected cards in the olden days. In both cases, a person will sit by himself, staring at the friend list or the collection of cards and think “Look how popular I am.”
                 

Sidenote: 

With the exception of the first paragraph, I made up everything in this essay. The analysis of Facebook is my own, therefore also made up.