Topic 66: The Psychology of Bargaining

Carol:

    Deal Me In

I confess to being a bit of a brag.  When I buy something I like to tell people where I got it and how much it cost.  My husband Marc and I have very different approaches to what we buy, what we are willing to pay, and what we have to give up to get it.  A tour of our home will show you what I mean.

Just inside in our front door is the antique washstand, which usually is piled high with mail, winter gloves, and magazines. It  took  me four years of casual browsing before I found exactly what I was looking for at a used furniture store. I dragged Marc into the store, pointed at it. "Here it is. The exact washstand I have wanted all these years. We have to get it.” Marc clapped his hand over my mouth, and said “Take a walk.” I knew what this meant. He was going to bargain for it. I was going to lose the washstand of my heart’s desire because Marc was going to offer such a low price that the store owner would kick him out.  I love it as much as the day he bought it 25 years ago, would love it even more if I could actually see it.

Our piano is another  “catchall”  for files, books, and briefcases. We bought it from a little old lady who had to move into assisted living, and it was a bargain.    When I got ready to retire, I anticipated moving the clutter and playing the piano on a regular basis…since I still have the music books from the last year I took piano lessons in 1963. Someday, maybe. I’m just too darn busy writing these daily themes.

Step into the living-room to view my latest purchase, a glass top table bought at a neighbor’s yard sale last weekend. I thought the metal legs would match the table lamps. They didn’t. When Marc pointed out the large scratch on the underside of the glass, I still thought it was a good deal at $30. After all, I have several beautiful coffee table books of my favorite artists, and they will nicely hide the flaws. Plus, now I can move the old wood coffee table up to the loft, the one I bought 20 years ago at another garage sale for $15.00. 

Head up the stairs to where we spend most of our free time, passing by  the book case that houses the complete Great Books collection. I bought it at a garage sale about 20 years ago, a real bargain at $25. I had the idea then I would work my way systematically through the books   and even join one of those library study groups someday when I retired. Someday, maybe. I’m just too darn busy….watching television, reading murder mysteries, and writing these daily themes. 

Marc went to the same garage sale as I did last weekend. He came home with a set of golf clubs, a bag of about 50 used golf balls and a plastic doo-dad that must be a “golf ball picker-upper.”  When he loaded it all into the back of our (used, bargain) truck, I reminded him that he had bought a set of golf clubs the first year we were married and only used them once before he donated them to Goodwill.  He grinned. “Look, they were a great deal, I have several friends who golf, and when I retire I know I will use them.”
Someday, maybe….

Megan:

I’m not a big shopper so my mind didn’t jump to haggling for a cheaper price. Instead I thought of the 3rd stage of the Kubler-Ross model  also known as the 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. This model was developed in the book On Death and Dying, (1969)  and at the bargaining stage, an individual is hoping to postpone death and a “negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle” (ibid).  Kubler-Ross notes that these stages do not necessarily come in order, nor are they limited to the dying or bereaved, but can be applied to any sort of “catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom).”

In both cases – shopping or grieving – an individual is attempting to negotiate against a cost deemed too high.  Everyone engages in some sort of bargaining with a higher power at some point, not just when they (think they) are dying. I can remember sitting down to a test in high school, a test for which I had not prepared and I prayed “Just help me pass, Lord and I’ll never forget to study again.” And then after finding out I not only passed, but aced the test: “This class is so easy. I didn’t even need to study.”

Otherwise, I have called on a higher power primarily during transatlantic flights in cases of extreme turbulence and the time the lady in front of me passed away mid-flight. The higher power came through for me most of the time – no plane I have been on has crashed, but the lady in front of me did not survive the resuscitation attempts. I often think of the man who answered the flight attendant’s  request that any doctor on board to please hit the call button. He was only 3 rows further up. I often wonder what was going through his mind, what sort of bargains he may have been trying to strike while his wife and children turned around in their seats and watched him perform CPR on a woman who had probably been dead for awhile.

Recently I have been drawn back to the Catholic Church. I was telling a friend about it, and she asked why I had started regularly attending mass for the first time in 13 years. I’m pretty much incapable of answering that kind of question seriously, so I said, “I really need a job.” It’s not consciously my only reason, but I think part of me is hoping that I’ll find a job if I live a little closer to the teachings of the Church. But if that doesn’t work, maybe it will help me proceed to the final stage. Acceptance.