Topic 25: The Responsibility of a 'Perfect' Baby

Carol:

Learning From the Experts

When I was pregnant in 1981, I didn’t have friends or family nearby to count on for quick advice; so I bought books.  It just seemed natural. After all, I had been raised by Dr. Spock’s advice in the 1945 The Common Sense Book of Baby and Childcare.  My first purchase was not Dr. Spock but Letty Cottin Pogrebin’s Growing Up Free: Raising Your Child in the 80’s. After all, I was also raised by Ms. Magazine.  Not that my generation was new to the idea of “parenting by numbers.” Somewhere along the way, raising children moved from family guidance and instinct to “read all about it.”

The first books about children read by American women were written by physicians and ministers.  In Essay on Nursing and the Management of Children from Their Birth to Three Years of Age(1749) Dr. William Cadogan wrote about  sensible approaches to the care and nursing of children rather than “pre-enlightment” practices and prejudices: “In my opinion, this business[of nursing] has too long fatally left to the management of  women, who cannot be supposed to have proper knowledge to fit them for such a task. . ."(3) The books published by physicians during the next century extended to such topics as toilet training, controlling emotions such as anger and jealousy, obedience, etc.

By the mid-19th century, emphasis was placed on the importance of the middle-class in raising men as productive citizens, and on the mother as the “Queen of the Household.”  .In his 1871 book Gentle Measures in the Management and Training of the Young, Jacob Abbott emphasized that:

    …the work of training her children to the habit of submission to her authority is a
duty, the responsibility of which devolves not upon her children, but upon her; that it is a duty, moreover, of the highest importance, and one that demands careful consideration, much forethought, and the wise adaptation of means to
an end.

The mother was the “supreme being” within the private sphere, and poetry in popular women’s magazines exalted her to either royal or divine status. Mind you, that was inside the home.

Mamie and Lonie DeWitt, around 1895.

                         

By the early 20th century, child-rearing had become the stuff of professionals—pediatricians, child psychologists, educators—and government. In 1912 the U.S. Children’s Bureau was established and Parents Magazine, which included a variety of columns by both parents and experts, began publication in 1926.

It didn’t take long me to realize that I was too busy raising  children to read about raising children. The telephone was a quick resource for emergencies, some of which can’t be looked up in the index of a book. The National Poison Control Center Hotline told me Marshall couldn’t die from eating Carmax  and even lowered my guilt, “Don’t worry, M’am, most of our calls come from mothers of two-year-old boys. “ Another afternoon while the kidlets  were napping, I decided to do some home repairs with SuperGlu. When I realized I had glued my right-hand thumb and middle finger together, I called my mommy. Her advice was quick: “Call the emergency room and ask them what to do, but don’t tell them your name.” 

I don’t know how to raise a perfect child (sorry, Megan and Marshall), nor do I know how to raise a child perfectly (sorry, Megan and Marshall) Let’s hear it from an expert, not Dr. Spock but Dr. Cosby:

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything.  You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage.  ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986

Megan and Marshall, around 1988.

Sources:  

Abbot, Jacob. Gentle measures in the management and training of the young. 1871

Cadogan, William. An essay Upon Nursing and the management of children from their Birth to Three Years old. 1749  Googlebooks

Mehling, Jay. Child-Rearing Advice Literature.

Megan:

Is once again in poor health and suggests you read this instead: The Good Enough Baby by Andy Borowitz.