Topic 21: Family Expectations

Carol:

Tassles and Teaching

My mother graduated from UCLA in 1932. Although the male-to-female ratio of collegians was about equal at that time, only 10% of 18-21 year old women enrolled in college (Morgan and Huber 33). So, what made Winifred Fike part of that 10%? In notes for a class she took when she was 80 years old, Winnie wrote that her parents had expected her to go to college:

"I began college when I was 17 years old in 1927 at the UCLA campus on Vermont Avenue where I became an elementary education major. College was a “family tradition—no question,” but it had to be affordable, so I lived at home and worked during the summers at Goodyear Tire Company and a printing company. I usually commuted to the campus by trolley, “a long ride to school.

Family tradition. In my family that has meant education and teaching.

Great-grandfather Charles Bower Fike was a teacher in Mifflin County, Pennsylvania conducting classes not only in English but in German in the Pennsylvania Dutch region around McVeytown where my grandfather was born. My grandpa Fike was also a teacher for a time and his sister Irma taught elementary school for many years. I imagine the educational and career expectations for my mother had been made clear from the time she was a young girl. However, she married a geologist whose job required frequent transfers throughout the country. My mother told me that she taught only one day of school, that being when my brother’s teacher was ill and could not find a substitute in their rural Texas community

Most of the family expectations I can recall for myself were the rules imposed as part of raising “good neighbors and good citizens.” I was expected to be polite to elders, respect my teachers, make my bed, clean my plate, and cover my mouth when I coughed (“Carol, it’s just like there is a string attached from your elbow to your mouth that draws your hand up when you sneeze or cough”). Grandpa Fike reinforced expectations from afar by sending only books as Christmas and birthday presents, a tradition I continued with the young children in my family. Just ask my nieces. By the time I was 10 years old, I had already decided I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. I don’t really remember being told, “You WILL go to college.” It was a “family tradition—no question.” Just ask my children.

I am the 4th generation of teachers in our family, but not the last. My niece Cathy came to her career in education late-- after getting an MBA and working in the business world. She has a tough job as a special education teacher whose students present a constellation of physical, emotional and intellectual challenges. I know if my mother were here, she would say “I love and am proud of all my grandchildren,” but Grandma Winnie would still really enjoy the surprise of another teacher in the family. After all, it’s a “family tradition—no question.”


Megan:

Most of the things I’ve done in my life so far were planned out for me when I was a child. My father used to plot out my life for me and it drove me crazy. He would say, “You can learn Spanish in Mexico, like I did.” And “You’re going to go to a women’s college, like your mom!” Or “ You’ll study abroad, like we did.” The only part I really objected to was the women’s college part because it didn’t sound very fun. When I hated high school and begged to be allowed to drop out and take my GED, we made a compromise. I could take extra classes and finish early if I did something productive with my time off. So, I went to Mexico for two months and studied Spanish, just like my father had 25 years before.

When it came time to look at colleges, I fought the all-women’s education plan right up until he offered me a trip to San Francisco to visit my aunt if I would agree to visit the Mills College campus. We drove through the front gates and down the eucalyptus lined drive and parked the car behind the Tea Shop. I saw a payphone and suggested we call mom. “Do you like it?” she asked. “Yeah,” I said. “The campus is beautiful. I guess I’ll go here.”

That’s how I made one of the biggest decisions of my life – one that has affected every single choice I’ve made since. Because it was pretty. And maybe because Dad always said I would.

When it was time to pick a study abroad program, I asked a friend for advice. She suggested Brighton, where she had gone the year before. I didn’t know anything about any of the places offered and I didn’t feel like doing any research. On the life plan sketched out by my parents, studying abroad was next on the list and one place seemed as good as any other. That’s how I moved to England for the first time – the other biggest decision of my life.

I’m coming off pretty lazy in this essay, and I guess that’s true. Moving back to England after college to attend library school, going to work in the prison – those were the first choices I made that I hadn’t been told I would do. And moving back to Arizona, which I always SWORE would never happen, that was my choice too. And it wasn’t until I ventured out in the world that I realized how lucky I am – that not every family is like mine. I couldn’t have done any of this without their support, which they give me even when I don’t meet their expectations.