Topic 6: On the Pleasure of Quarreling

Carol:

Pick a Little, Talk a Little

My typical writing pattern is to let a topic roll around in my head for a while before I face the blank page. I call it “percolating,” and if I time it right, the words will come pouring out of my mind just the write color. I need then only play around with the work until it is ready to serve to the public. Well, I have been letting Daily Theme #6 percolate all night without much to show for it. On the other hand, the colors outside my window are magnificent at 6:15 a.m, the Granite Mountain pinkish alpenglow contrasted with the dark clouds rolling in from the west. Looks like rain. So, what pleasure can be found in quarreling?

Yesterday morning, our dog and people pack took a different walking route because the usual path was a bit muddy. As we meandered down the road, all the dogs perked up their ears and looked in the same direction, Milo --the only dog on leash-- on high alert as we neared a large culvert. The last time he poked his nose in where it didn’t belong, he came out with a snoutful of porcupine quills. His doggish nature is to follow the scent, and I had no doubt that he would stick his nose into that culvert again. When we heard heavy breathing coming from the hole, we pulled Milo back and Marc gingerly dropped into the gulley to see what was there. My view was obscured, so all I saw was quick movement as Marc laughed, “It’s a javelina, a cute little one.” He crawled up out of the ditch and we started back up the hill, when there was a movement from the other side of the culvert, and out came a javelina. “Marc, that is not a cute little javelina. That is a BIG javelina.” Baby javelina had not been alone. Lucky for us, Mama and baby kept to the safety of their metal cave and we wandered on up the hill, quarrel averted.

I figure the only way that quarreling can reach a level of pleasure is if there are some rules to follow. One is to know and respect one’s “opponent.” Dogs are wont to follow their instincts for food and curiosity, sometimes sticking their noses into places they don’t belong, but they are generally good-natured unless they have been abused. But, remember, they love to wrestle for play. Porcupines are just being porcupinish when they let loose their quills without regard to the nature or intent of their opponent. They are the animal world equivalent of the “Shoot first and ask questions later” philosophy, and they don’t apologize. Javelinas, well they are the most dangerous of the three, with incredibly powerful jaws and quick speed, But, they really only become dangerous when provoked or their escape route is blocked. In the people world, . . . .STOP. There are also some rules to follow in writing, one being to know and reader your reader well enough to quit quarreling with a topic when you aren’t getting anywhere.

What I REALLY want to say about the pleasure of quarreling is that most of the time it isn’t a pleasure. I quarrel when I’m tired or hungry or have descended into peevishness. As much as I can point to friends and family that are by nature more porcupine than dog or more javelina than porcupine, I know I have the capacity to morph into anyone of them. The best I can hope for in quarreling is that it attain some level of productiveness, that I have learned something and won’t stick my nose into that hole again, or that I can feel the peevishness give way as I vent the emotion before it escalates into anger and resentment. Catharsis, yes, pleasure no.



Megan:
When we drew this topic yesterday, my mother and I had a long conversation about the definition of the word quarreling. It was, we agreed, stronger than an argument but weaker than a fight. And according to various online dictionaries, the word quarrel means 'angry dispute.'

Well, how can I write on that? I don’t get into angry disputes. Occasionally I yell at stupid people but only while driving, and always with the windows rolled up. I check first – the windows. I don’t want to get shot. And I do derive a sort of pleasure from the outlet – not unlike writing letters I have no intention of sending. I’m a passive person, but not particularly aggressive. But, this is a one-sided altercation – hardly an ‘angry dispute.’

So, I turned again to the Internet for some ideas and discovered, to my initial delight that H.G. Well had on this very topic back in 1901. Then I read the first couple of paragraphs and was immediately incensed. The nerve of that man to suggest that the “respectable poor,” have no culture, have “no music… no pictures, no books to read nor leisure to read in” and thus pass their time by quarreling. He then laments the fact that quarreling is suppressed among the ‘gentle’ classes, which is

“why our literature grows sinister and bitter, and our daughters yearn after this and that, write odd books, and ride about on bicycles in remarkable clothes.”

It was at that point that I paused, and thought, he can’t be serious. This essay must be one of those examples of irony I vaguely remember studying in college. The rest of the essay is concerned with 4 ways way to start a quarrel, and I relaxed a bit. It is clear to me now, that this essay is an example of a 5th way, and that is to say something downright offensive just to provoke a reaction. It is a trick for which I have always fallen.

My friend Sean, from Northern Ireland, was particularly adept at using this 5th technique. “We had to invade Iraq,” he said to me one night in the pub, “because of what Saddam Hussein did on September 11!”

I believe my response was the ever-gentle, “Are you F---ING KIDDING me???” Politics is never a safe topic, especially if alcohol is involved, but it does provide an excellent opportunity for a quarrel.

Mr. H.G. Wells, looking a bit smug about all the trouble he's caused.